ANXIOUS

I regret everything.

A black boiling pit of apology and bitterness sinks deeper into my chest.

A pang of distaste, the burn of anxious thoughts on tender flesh.

It’s a deep and silent suffocation that only shows its talons in empty space.

Behind closed doors, cursing is the chant that echoes in my skull.

Every thought is vile, repulsive, received with a physical reaction.

Shanking it off never works.

I suppose my self-expectations exceeded reality.

Perhaps I just haven’t seen it until now, for these things never bothered me before..?

It’s all in the past, it’s done and you can’t change it.

Yes you see, this is the problem. It happened and I can’t change it.

I’m living it every day. It happened, yes, but to me it’s happening every second.

A never ending spiral of mortification.