★ robolights ★

 

At the end of the amazing day with Renaissance we met up with our new friend Anna (hi Anna, miss ya 🙂 and went through this weird lights exhibit which was SO COOL. Even though the lighting was unpredictable and difficult i ended up getting some cool shots. Hope you enjoy!

 

Follow Renaissance on Instagram at @renaissancemarie and on Twitter at @rxnaissance

Follow Anna on Instagram at @meanvagina (lol best username ever)

Visit the Robolights Facebook page HERE 

palm springss

Gosh you know every time I hang out with Renaissance i could just go on and on about how much i love her and how amazing she is. She’s so great and tbh everyone needs an amazing friend like her in their life. This time I got to go visit her in Palm Springs and it was really fun to be there for the first time! Along our adventures I got some pictures of her gorgeous face and adorable outfit and wow she is such a queen of beauty.

Ok anyways enjoyyyy

Follow her at @renaissancemarie on Instagram 🙂

NEW RULES | Music Video

Hello!

On New Years Day my friends and I released a lip sync music video to Dua Lipa’s song New Rules.

Over the many years of our friendship its become one of our big traditions to make a music video to any song we’re all loving at the moment. This year Dua Lipa caught ALL of our attention being the amazing artist she is. Her entire album is unreal and beautiful, i highly recommend.

The more I think about it, i find it kind of hilarious that we do these videos. I mean every time we do them its like we’re little girls again in front of a crappy webcam blasting Hannah Montana and acting as sassy as we can. Now we’ve stepped it up a notch and got real serious about it haha. Maybe too serious? I did have several panic attacks in the process lol. This weird tradition tho is one of my favorites because it’s my best friend’s and I’s form of fun. I think its pretty special and awesome that our ultimate form of fun together is being creative and working on projects. Throughout the process we all try to input our own creativity through what we’re passionate about. Every time i always find that i push myself past my limits and strive to make the best end product possible. We are all super supportive of each other’s ideas, which is also unique in the field of group productions.

I hope you enjoy the video, as it really is the outpour of all of our souls haha.

Choreography, Staring, and Contributing Editors:

Emma

Insta: @emmafabros

https://www.instagram.com/emmafabros/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyCN…

Emily

insta: @emilyxgonzalez_

https://www.instagram.com/emilyxgonza…

Eden
insta: @edenn_elizabethh
https://www.instagram.com/edenn_eliza…

Videography, lighting, and Contributing editor:
Me (Bell) 🙂
Insta: @bellsarian
https://www.instagram.com/bellsarian/

17 years of Emma

 

 

 

 

A letter to Emma,

 

Our conversation earlier got me thinking: why do i say sorry so much?

I used to think it was out of habit, a space filler in the many awkward pauses we have as awkward friends, but i think it’s more than that.

Perhaps it’s that I honestly don’t feel worthy of being your friend.

Before that fine summer’s day two years ago as we sat on the beach doing sit ups, i didn’t even think a person like you could exist. God in that moment stripped down our walls, showing me a person so very brilliantly amazing and strange.

I knew i could never let you go.

As our friendship has progressed, i have been blessed with the opportunity to see your soul for everything it is: absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. Never before have i met someone so godly and kind, while simultaneously being so humble. Your consideration for others is so incredibly special, your character is unprecedented, your fire for God is continuously so inspirational.

I feel honored to be your friend; to be able to watch you grow and be there along side you tripping and falling. As you know, i’m a pretty independent and reserved person who doesn’t share much with people,  but i can honestly say that i couldn’t live without you in my life. You’re so much more than a best friend, you really are a sister and i love you so so so very much.

Thank you for always checking in on me, being kind and considerate, being weird, always having me at your house, your amazing dance skills, your love for God, your passion in life, for being honest, for being so peaceful, for always being positive, for the many deep conversations we’ve had, for the light ones, for knowing literally every movie line by heart, for your scream (its my favorite), for loving old disney channel as much as i do, for your beautiful face that is almost my entire instagram, and lastly, for being you.

So yes, I say sorry A LOT.

I’m sorry for that (lol), but i can’t help it.

I don’t think i’ll ever feel worthy of being your friend.

You’re just too spectacular.

 

Happy 17th birthday Nugg,

I love you to the moon and beyond. ❤

i screamed

 

“SHUT UP. JUST EVERYONE SHUT UP.”

These words reverberate through my skull.

“WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SHUT UP”

My lips never move, eyelids hover in a blank stare as i silently reply to the words tossed around me like i’m standing in the middle of a dodge ball game.

I never noticed before now how much people TALK AND TALK AND BLAHBLAHBLAH…

All they ever want to do is talk and pound each other with these whirling balls of letters and expressions and it just gets so damn overwhelming.

 

Silence is my safety.

If i must, i will listen, but never speak.

Words are more weighted than i think they understand, and yet they flippantly throw about as many as they can bear.

They throw them and take them and hand them to me until i’m buried completely.

Yet how would they know this?

How would they know that I’m drowning and panicking when all I ever do is grunt in reply.

I’ve found that silence is easily ignored.

It’s easy to miss, easy to keep throwing words at people and fail to see the bruises that paint their body purple and blue.

It’s hard to hear their struggle to breath when all you ever do is speak.

My brain is only what i hear now.

It speaks to me telling me when to speak, what to say, how to feel.

Much of the time it yells at me, it screams until finally i can’t keep the silence going.

I begin to scream.

Tears come first, then my lungs rise and fall faster than even they are talking.

My hands shake and begin to tingle.

Am i dying? Is this what death feels like?

Why can’t i see? Why can’t i speak?

The blood in my body is hot, it hurts so bad.

 

The screaming stops.

I’m in a pool of clear water with only the sound of distant muffled voices.

 

Am I dead?

 

The pool drains slowly and I see the face of someone i love sitting across from me.

I see that their hands hold mine tightly, pressing peace and affection into my skin.

Their voice drifts softly to me

“…breath out… Yes good, keep it up.”

I don’t know how long we sat there, but whenever the screaming came back, I would try to focus on their gentle voice echoing

“It’s okay, everything’s okay, you are safe…”

 

All they wanted was a response, yes I understand.

So that i did,

I screamed.