At the end of the amazing day with Renaissance we met up with our new friend Anna (hi Anna, miss ya 🙂 and went through this weird lights exhibit which was SO COOL. Even though the lighting was unpredictable and difficult i ended up getting some cool shots. Hope you enjoy!
Follow Renaissance on Instagram at @renaissancemarie and on Twitter at @rxnaissance
Follow Anna on Instagram at @meanvagina (lol best username ever)
Visit the Robolights Facebook page HERE
We were two souls dipped in misfortune trying to speak in silence.
Crossed arms, sleepy hair, and heavy eyes made her face seem dim. All my feet wanted to do was run.
To get as far away from the spot I stood.
To never speak to another person again and hide away among the limp leaves and swaying ocean.
But for now a mask will have to do.
A mask not to cover up who I am, but who I am not.
shattered and scattered is a mind that rarely sees sunshine
Never go into any situation, or embark on any adventure, thinking you know what you’re doing. Scrap every piece of luggage you brought in preparation and approach the beast with a willingness to learn. Along the way you might be able use the tools you’ve gathered, but don’t be so stubborn that you’re unwilling to accept new ones.
“Please, I want so badly for the good things to happen.”
— Sylvia Plath
Round and round we walked, dirt caked brown on our shoes. As the sun hid behind tall trees and young faces , bright lights began to blink and spin all around.
It was a revelation that I had because I’ve – uhh – well I’ve been doing a lot of working out in the past year and a half and what I’ve learned is that if you’re doing an exercise to the point of failure, that means that you’re taking your body to the utmost limit. You’re getting the most out of your workout and I feel like you can apply that to a lot of things life. For instance if you’re like, writing a television show, or a movie let’s say. If you not sort of trying to be like, audaciously original in a way, saying “this could be laughably bad”, you’re never gonna create something amazing, and you’re never gonna go outside your safe zone. You know what I mean? So it’s sorta like you have to embrace the possibility of failure, you almost have to strive towards failure. You have to say “well, I’m probably not gonna be able to pull this off, but i’m gonna set the bar so high just to see how high I can jump.”
– Jack Ferry (Not Too Deep with Grace Helbig, Ep. 120)
It’s funny how you can have something and not realize it. How life can be falling apart, but you’re too busy collecting the pieces to see what’s throwing them at you.
January was a cold month. It was dark and nights were hardest. For the longest time I couldn’t move, I couldn’t think. Those were the days where i found myself crying when it didn’t make sense to cry. Sleeping when the sun was brightest and sad when the world told me to be happy. This was when i decided to dedicate myself to work, to deep dive into my brain and never surface again. My mind was my company, it was my best friend and greatest enemy. It told me that everything was okay as it lead me to a dark and quiet place within my skull. I had only seen this place once before, but time had past and a layer of dust blanketed every surface. I stayed there and never moved much.
Six months later I left that dark place. I saw light and people, color and interest. Hand in hand, my mind and i took it step by step. It had been so long I had forgotten how to carry myself. Back again in the dark, 5 months later, I see now that the world is very dull within this place. I can still smile, still breath, but everything feels dim and distant. My mind tugs constantly, beckoning me into a restless lull. In the nest where everything is heavy and unreachable.
Even when I do manage to walk out of this place I know that it’s still there. Something so dark and ugly exists within my brain and i can’t help but wonder if i have the strength to ever make it leave, or rather the strength to never return.
So yes, we all grew up. In the end no one could press pause, no one could preserve innocence, and everyone just deeps dying. That seems to be the only thing I’m good at these days. Wasting away like a cat with nothing better to do but sleep. My body and mind scream for rest, tugging my eyelids down and shutting off the sounds around me. I can’t seem to hear much anymore. Food tastes all the same, bathing overwhelms me, my heavy brain can’t think. I find myself frequently holding my breath, as if unconsciously I’m trying suffocate myself.
Maybe if i hold my breath long enough, time really will stop. Or perhaps a wish will come true, like when I was a child driving through a tunnel. I would hold my breath until my face turned purple and we came out the other end, all for one selfish wish. A new toy, a trip to Disney Land, all things that seems so extraordinary then. Now my wishes are just as greedy, but far more complicated. Ever day I hold my breath waiting for wishes to come true: to be anywhere but here and anybody but myself.
what are we doing here?
how can i leave?