a wednesday night in july

I wonder, are we all crying together on this warm wednesday night in July? Damp pillows and achy brains weigh our heads so heavy they sinks through cotton and wool. Do we all struggle to stand? Twisted in vertigo and dehydration, a crippling hangover that never goes away. I watch as the sun escapes over the edge of the world and believe it’s left us forever. That it will decide the grass really is greener on the other side, why would it every return in the east at dawn? I struggle to reach for the lamp in the dark. Meters feel like miles and limbs feel like rocks. Are our voices flat and hands numb from screaming at the sky in hopes of someone hearing?

I beg for something to tell me the heavens are heavy too, that tears don’t just fall from eyes and the whole earth is drowning with us.

17 years of Emma

 

 

 

 

A letter to Emma,

 

Our conversation earlier got me thinking: why do i say sorry so much?

I used to think it was out of habit, a space filler in the many awkward pauses we have as awkward friends, but i think it’s more than that.

Perhaps it’s that I honestly don’t feel worthy of being your friend.

Before that fine summer’s day two years ago as we sat on the beach doing sit ups, i didn’t even think a person like you could exist. God in that moment stripped down our walls, showing me a person so very brilliantly amazing and strange.

I knew i could never let you go.

As our friendship has progressed, i have been blessed with the opportunity to see your soul for everything it is: absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. Never before have i met someone so godly and kind, while simultaneously being so humble. Your consideration for others is so incredibly special, your character is unprecedented, your fire for God is continuously so inspirational.

I feel honored to be your friend; to be able to watch you grow and be there along side you tripping and falling. As you know, i’m a pretty independent and reserved person who doesn’t share much with people,  but i can honestly say that i couldn’t live without you in my life. You’re so much more than a best friend, you really are a sister and i love you so so so very much.

Thank you for always checking in on me, being kind and considerate, being weird, always having me at your house, your amazing dance skills, your love for God, your passion in life, for being honest, for being so peaceful, for always being positive, for the many deep conversations we’ve had, for the light ones, for knowing literally every movie line by heart, for your scream (its my favorite), for loving old disney channel as much as i do, for your beautiful face that is almost my entire instagram, and lastly, for being you.

So yes, I say sorry A LOT.

I’m sorry for that (lol), but i can’t help it.

I don’t think i’ll ever feel worthy of being your friend.

You’re just too spectacular.

 

Happy 17th birthday Nugg,

I love you to the moon and beyond. ❤