The past 9 months have been a lot, to say the least. Lots of ups, far too many downs, but overall a fairly decent year. I look back at January and see an overly excited girl running towards her future with blindfolds on and weights tied to her ankles. She was hopeful, curious, and open to new things. She didn’t know just how much things would change. All she knew was change was good. Change was necessary.
Eight months later here I am, sitting on a broken stool too short for its counter top with photos 2 months old staring back. A lot has changed indeed, and the blindfold is nowhere near coming off. Several things have happened this summer that changed my life quite a bit from January.
1) I worked at a climbing gym, and climbing is now my favorite activity. It was hard at first to come to terms with photography no longer being my only love. So, other than a few shoots, I set my camera down for the time being. I let myself fall in love with something else, and that was okay. In the end I’m finding it was the best decision for me. I have gotten to meet so many amazing people through it and continue to find out more about myself on my journey.
2) I transferred schools. Never in a million years did I think San Francisco would be a one semester deal. In fact, my entire plan was based upon it. Over and over I get asked the same question, “why did you transfer?” Every time I respond the same way: “God.” I have no other explanation for why I made this decision or how I got to this point other than I felt peace about it. I was terrified, yet God reassured me that this was his plan for me.
Now the question I face is why? Why, God, am I here? Why are you having me repeat the same exact situation just 7 months later?
Every so often God gives me a glimps of the answer, but never enough. I don’t get it, and I don’t think I ever will get until I’m past this point in my life. I miss the people I love in SF and sometimes I want nothing more than to go back. But I know I cant, and that where I am is where I’m supposed to be.
We’ll see what happens. I’m hopeful that I will soon find where I am to be home. But for now I guess it’s just the waiting game. In the meantime, I’m finding I want to discover what I want my focus to be in this new school. In SF, it was friends. Here, I want to begin to build my life after school. I don’t know what that means or how I could do that, but I think God will show me. I’m excited, and I hope at some point I’ll feel at home again.
VENT 